There's ice on the sink where we bathe—

"(Then) they cut my beard and forced me to eat it," he said.

Kentucky man forced to eat his own beard after a tractor sale goes south. Try and tell me this ain’t a Faulkner novella just waiting. Sometimes I think that the world works this way: if you end up a dead famous writer, then you get to sit at a small desk for eternity somewhere and come up with ridiculous stories. God forces people to act it out, then WLWT Cincinnati picks it up and runs it as a story.